Busy, Busy, Busy

Had a few days that have been very busy and fruitful.  I went and volunteered at the local food bank on Wednesday morning.  Then, yesterday, I went and spent some time with my elderly ladies that I go visit regularly at the local rest home.  They depend on me to show up with snacks and such, and I depend on them for the love and hugs.  Some of these people never get any visitors.  It's rather sad, really.  They have family, it's just their family have other things to do, I guess. 

I've been making myself eat.  So that's a good thing.  The therapy with my friend is going well.  I haven't been drinking booze to drown my sorrows.  Do I feel better about my current situation?  No.  Not really.  My friend says it's going to take time.  So, I guess right now, Time is my best friend.  Every Friday, it's very hard for me to not call and check on Brian because today is his Chemo day.  However, I know that for my own sake, I can't.  It would just open the wound again.  I have finally gotten to where I'm not sobbing like a moron constantly.  I need to keep it this way.

Sometimes, the best and loudest cry is silence.  I will keep my silence where John and the babies are concerned.  Not necessarily for him, but for myself.  Also, I'm not a liar.  I told him the last contact that I had with him that I would never bother him again.  I meant and do mean it.  I will never lift another finger to have any kind of contact with him. 

I've been making plans with my friend who is the Psychologist.  I'm going to go down in a couple of weeks to the city and pick her up to come and spend a day or two here with me and the girls.  We're going to just hang out and do I guess, whatever we want. 

Not sure what I will do with myself now.  Guess I will figure it out as I go along.  For now........I think,I'll just make art.